A few weeks ago, I was browsing around on an internet forum and came across a mention of the book Diaper Free Before Three. The idea is that in the good old days before disposable diapers, people used to potty train their kids at way younger ages than we do now and all this "readiness" stuff is just modern day baloney that benefits only disposable diaper companies. Training children earlier is healthier, emotionally and physically, the book says. Elimination Communication is not mentioned specifically, but a lot of the same ideas are mentioned, namely that babies are aware of their own elimination and are perfectly capable of "holding it" (to a point anyway). I definitely agree with that.
This book basically said to forget about asking your child if they need to go potty, or offering the potty, or waiting for them to show signs of readiness. Basically you should start putting them on the potty from about 9 months old or so and you do it by saying, "It's time to go potty!" You take charge, you "be the parent." (I don't think they ever actually used that phrase, to be fair, but it was definitely the sentiment.)
It also said that if your child is older than two it wasn't too late. You use the same techniques and you just get rid of the diapers completely and put the child in underwear only. You say, potty time, and you put them on the potty every hour or two hours or whatever and eventually your child is a potty user! Yay!
It sounded pretty good because, frankly, I am getting tired of diapers. We used elimination communication part time until we moved to this house, and then what was supposed to be a break turned into a conclusion because we never really picked it up again. Part of the reason was that he didn't want to be on the potty anymore. Foreshadowing!
So, we already had a potty and we already had some training pants as well and I decided we would attempt to potty train. Notice how I said "we"??? That's funny stuff! Like it was both my and Silas's decision. It totally wasn't!
No, Silas was not down with it. He sat on the potty once, to humor me, but after that he was having none of it. I spent the whole day obstinately believing that the whole process should have been going as swimmingly as the book had led me to believe it would. This, despite having two daughters who potty trained "late" and reluctantly. I was frustrated, he was frustrated. It was not a good day.
See, the book never said, be authoritative and mean. It said going to the potty should be approached in a positive and happy way. But of course it's still the parent's decision. It's still the parent who says what's what and the kid who does what the parent wants him to. But what happens when your cheerful insistence bumps up against a child who simply says no? The book didn't say.
In my defense, I had a headache almost that whole day that was interfering with my ability to think clearly. And I do agree with a lot of the theory behind what the book was saying. However, since I didn't stick with elimination communication from the beginning, it's simply as if we had been using diapers the whole time. And if he doesn't want to use the potty, no amount of my insisting he do so (though in a cheerful voice!), or reading him a story while he sits there is going to make him start loving it. Or even accepting it.
So, I regained my senses and realized that no, Silas is not ready to use the potty, and that it is in his (and my) best interest if we simply wait until he is. And I realized that if he does become a three year old who is still in diapers, it will not harm him, nor will it be a reflection of any sort of failure on my part. And it won't be the first time we've had a three year old in diapers in this family. Maybe I missed the bus with elimination communication and he'd be happily using the potty right now if I had stuck with it (not right now, he's sleeping). Or maybe not. I'm perfectly happy with the limited part it played in his life.
So I'm resigned to another year or so of diapers. We'll just have to see what happens.
5 comments:
We have friends who are die-hard ECers and seem to think that we are anti-EC because we don't do it. Um, no. We tried, and the children laughed at us and refused.
My point? They are in charge of their elimination. DUH.
I was potty "trained" fairly early. This didn't mean that I used the toilet on command, but that I learned to "hold it" until it was convenient for me to use the bathroom.
I made my mother late for a lot of appointments so that I could finish watching my cartoons, then use the toilet before we went out.
If my mother was a cruel woman, I would have been publicly humiliated on many occasions.
I didn't stick with elimination communication either, although I intended to, it was to much for me. I just let Sebastian run around naked (this is Sweden) so he, by his own accord, climbs up on the toilet and pees in it just like his sisters (our bathroom door is "always open"). He started that a year ago and does not need a diaper in the house but I put one on when we go out. The girls did the same. My kids did not want to use a potty cause I don´t! The girls climped up on the toilet early too. PS. I like your blog and enjoy keeping up with how you all are doing.
Sam and Mollie were both over 3 before they were out of diapers. I never potty trained either. When people ask me about "potty training", I can only say, "I honestly don't remember". Because I don't. The toilet just became a part of their life, when they made it a part. Noah...same thing. He actually goes either before or after his bath on a regular basis. I don't know why, but that's his thing, I guess.
My daughter wasn't potty trained until about a week before her fourth birthday. If I put her in underwear, she just wouldn't pee for hours and hours at a time, until I got worried about her kidneys and put a diaper on her so she'd go. The up side (I guess) was that when she finally did start using the bathroom, she had so much practice in "holding it" that she never had an accident!
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