Time Rewind

Last night I had a dream that I turned back time to when Silas lived in my belly. Maybe I've been feeling a bit sad about how quickly time has passed with Silas, my last little one. You really only get one year with a baby. After that, you can call them babies, but they're really not. They're children.

Every time I see a real baby, one of those tiny creatures still in their first year, I can't help but sigh wistfully. I've had four baby years all for myself, which is more than a lot of people get, but still I get a little bit sad knowing that I won't have any more.

In looking back, I wonder if I appreciated those four baby years to their fullest extent. I tend to think I didn't, but maybe that's just part of looking back. You can only ever be in the present, and so maybe it just feels like I didn't savor them because I'm not in them right now savoring them.

In any case, it was a nice dream, feeling my belly all swollen and full of squirming Silas. And, as is sometimes the case in dreams, it took a minute or two to realize I had actually had to turn back time a whole year to get to the still pregnant point. In the dream, as in real life, I was surprised that so much time had gone by. My boy, my littlest, is one.