The Thinks I Have Thunk. (Prologue)

I feel like I have a lot to blog about, but I don't really know where to begin. My thoughts today have had both a negative and positive overall vibe. When it was negative, I would have called it "muddled." When the overall feeling in my brain was positive, it was more like "swirly." Or "happily confused," maybe. But not really clear. So, I'll do my best and if I need to continue with different topics on different days, I will do so.

The first thing I need to get out of the way is this: our house is right now going through foreclosure. I had anticipated this being a post of it's own, all dramatic and monumental. But right now, it actually just kind of feels like a side note. Something you need to know in order to know the rest of it. And before, I was worried about writing about it at all, about being judged harshly. But actually whenever I have mentioned this to someone in real life, the response has been positive, understanding, and supportive. The world looks very different right now than it did just a few years ago.

I wish I could say that this is completely and totally the result of the current housing crisis, but it isn't. Not totally. Though it's a big part. A huge part, really. We are definitely underwater with our mortgage, like so many other people are. But we also made some pretty bad decisions in the years since we bought our house and if we had not, the picture might not be as dire. Or maybe it would. The house is worth practically nothing nowadays and maybe we would be making the same decision now even if we had made the best, most "responsible" choices to begin with.

So here is our situation as it stands and why we are deciding to let the bank take the house. We owe more than we could ever make from selling the house, if we could sell it at all, which is unlikely. We hate the house. It's dreadful living next to a park, despite what you might think. It's even more dreadful living next to a park in a less-than-great neighborhood. And it's even more dreadful living next to a park when your only separation from that park and it's parking lot is a chain-link fence. It turns what should be our private outdoor retreat (it makes me laugh to call our backyard a retreat because even with a solid fence, it's nothing at all like a retreat, but you get the idea) into a very visible, almost public place. The only difference being that it's generally not considered polite to walk into people's backyards. But smoke pot on the other side of their fence? Sure. There's that and the cars that screech through the parking lot regularly or blast their stereo systems and make the floor shake, or the kids who BANG BANG BANG their feet on the metal bleachers directly on the other side of the fence, or the regular knocks on the door we get because someone has lost their ball in our yard, or the... well, I won't go on. That's the living next to a public park aspect.

The other thing is we can't afford to live here. Hilarious, I know. Because ironically, it's the fact that it is so old and crappy that makes it so we can't afford to live here. There are just too many problems that arise with living in an older house and we do not make enough money to keep up with them. Case in point. We'll be paying for the new water heater, A/C, and bathtub plumbing long after we don't live here anymore. And that just sucks. We can't afford to keep it looking nice either. It badly needs new landscaping and paint and carpet and, and, and, well, we just don't have the resources to do anything about it.

We never meant to stay here permanently. We wanted to sell it right away, but we didn't and now we are kicking ourselves for it, because it just isn't going to happen. I don't see the housing market stabilizing anytime soon. I don't see waiting it out as being a feasible solution at all. That would just make me feel way more trapped than I already do. So if the housing market takes 10 years to recover (not unlikely!) or it never does (doooom), and it takes 7 years for a foreclosure to get off your credit report, and you're miserable in your house, and selling it is like a pipe dream, what's left? So this is the path we're taking and I have to tell you, I had such a huge feeling of relief when we finally made the decision to just go ahead with it. It just felt so right. Which doesn't make it not frightening, not in the least.

And here is where I wish I could say that this is going to solve all of our financial problems, but it won't. It doesn't change the fact that we have more outflow than we do inflow. I'm seeing this time as a very transitional time, almost a do-or-die time, even though I know it isn't that, and there are more options out there than just the ones on the surface. So we'll figure it out, we'll make changes, and we'll hopefully arrive at a place where our relationship with money is more positive.

From all the research I've done, we will have until roughly the end of November. Longer would be better, but I certainly won't count on it.

Oh well, I guess it did turn out to be a bit more dramatic and monumental than I had intended and I didn't get to my other thoughts. Assuming I have great follow through, here are the topics you can look forward to from me: unschooling/parental and personal growth/Sandra Dodd's book, passions, RVing and travel, searching out a new home. Also, cute baby pics. I'm not giving them up completely, Miranda!