Holy freaking hell!!! My brain is very near to exploding. I will talk more later.

Just 45 more minutes and then I can put them to bed. Repeat.

When you do not know what to write, let your children write for you:

"The Magic Eight Ball knows everything!!" ~Saren

"Winnie-the-Pooh isn't mad! He doesn't even know what that is!" ~Saren

Poem
by, Saren

The moon is bright
The sky is night
The stars are twinkling
And they so much are bright
So is the moon
It is so pretty at night
So pretty, It's so pretty at night
I love the night
It is the most goodest one.

Bleah. I am tired of today. I spent all morning with a vaguely dissatisfied and disgruntled feeling. I turned into a screaming banshee too many times and I really hate myself when I do that.

It's cold and I have very little to say.

I'm not terribly fond of people. Some of them. A few. I don't think anyone would ever make the mistake of calling me a "people person".

Bah. I don't why but some days are just like this.

~Ivy Loamsdown of Deephallow

Dear Scholastic,

Hi! J.K. Rowling here! Bet you were wondering what had happened to me. Well, maybe you weren't, considering the fact that you managed to track me down to pester me for the 5th Harry Potter installment despite the fact that I had moved 7 times to 3 different countries and changed my name twice. (By the way, can you make my checks out to "Henrietta H. Henderson" from now on? I have always been fond of H names.)

Well, all right already! I suppose you and everyone else has waited long enough. I have enclosed the fifth Harry Potter book herewith. In fact, it's quite short so I just decided to stick it in the body of this cover letter. Without further ado...

Harry Potter and the Anvil

Harry freaking Potter awoke with a start. Hedwig, his downy white owl, was sitting on his chest. In her beak was a small scroll. He took it from her and read it: "Dear Freaking Harry Potter, You should go outside this very second! It's urgent! Love, HHH." He walked out of the door at Privet Drive and looked around. Everything seemed quiet. Then an anvil fell on his head. He was killed instantly and didn't feel a thing.

The End

Well, what do you think?

Love,
Sincerely,
JK Rowling (HHH)

Today I got four pairs of Pants! 8 clones of Beth! I am a lucky girl indeedy.

I am thinking that my kids should not have any new toys for at least a year. Good god, we've got talking Eeyores coming out of our ears! I don't think the playroom is going to have enough room for all of this stuff. I need to get shelves so I can start storing things in a more vertical fashion.

The other day in the car Saren was doing subtraction problems and getting them right. This without any formal (or informal for that matter) instruction. Something in her brain was ready for it and something made her want to figure it out so she did. I was thinking that maybe one of the main reasons that adults are so set on children going to school and "being taught" is that adults want to own the child's learning. They want to be able to say, Saren learned to subtract numbers because I taught her and this is the way in which she learned it. The truth is I have absolutely no idea how she learned it. All I know for certain is that she must have wanted to or else she just wouldn't have. That's enough of that "subversive" unschooling stuff. I'm just proud of her.

Dear Mattell,
I thank you endlessly for Barbie®. I could play with her all day long! In fact, I have been! Dressing and undressing Barbie® is one of the greatest joys of life. I used to worry about the unhealthy body image she implanted in young girls' brains, but now I know that's just a bunch of hooey. Barbie® is a beautiful princess and I will love her till I die.
Love, Stephanie

Dear Hasbro,
I thank you endlessly for Playdough®. I could play with it all day! In fact, I have been! It smells lovely and is mushy and therapeutic! I will love it till the day I die.
Love, Stephanie

Dear Target,
I thank you endlessly for your purple sleep pants made out of flannel with cats on them. I could wear them all day! In fact, I have been! They are so fuzzy and comfy and cozy and purple! I will love them till the day I die.
Love, Stephanie

Dear chocolate,
I thank you endlessly for the way you taste. I could eat you all day! In fact, I have been! In fact, I think I need to go get another piece of you flavored with raspberry right now. Goodbye! I will love you till the day I die.
Love, Stephanie

Things:

Burned the bottom of two of the egg-sausage casseroles. Didn't matter. Still tasted good. Made 3, only needed 1 and 3/4. Someone left a camera here. Score! Got purple sleep pants with cats on them. Currently wearing. Cozy. Sustained Christmas injury when big toe collided with running nephew. Bent nail back. Bloody. Gross. Someone went into the bathroom that I didn't clean. Must find this person and erase their memory. Tree is quickly approaching fire hazard status. Got flashlights. Woo! Harper got two babies, one baba, no cups. Saren got rainbow art set advertised on TV. Not worth $19.95. Still okay. Lots of other stuff to explore tomorrow. Bettie Black Von Pie of Gondor called. Didn't talk to her. [frown] Very tired. Harper still awake. Makes sense because she doesn't possess the sleep gene.

I am a tad bit exhausted out of my brain. I am almost totally prepared for tomorrow (today). Still need to do touch-up cleaning, but other than that, we're good to go.

Here's an interesting thing (also slightly gross): If you cook a lot of ground sausage at the same time, it will jiggle (much like a bowl full of jelly) while you are pushing it around with a spatula.

Here's hoping I've got enough food for everyone tomorrow (today). Here's hoping I can manage to wake up in 7 hours so that I have enough time to be ready for everyone. Here's hoping I don't collapse at any point during the day. Here's hoping that Harper isn't disappointed that she didn't get a "baba" or a "cup" with her baby.

Well, I am sounding a little bit whiny and complain-y. It's misleading, because I really am very happy and content at this moment. I can't wait to see the girls when they wake up and see what Santa brought them.

Merry Christmas again and to all a good night.

Dude.

#1-Mint 'n Creme Oreos are fucking good.
#2-My livingroom is so clean. I am thinking of putting plastic over everything so that it stays that way forever.
#3-Man, I am an awesome present-giver. I should give classes.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells!!!

I love you all, Merry fucking Christmas!!!

Bah. I didn't write anything yesterday. It's the first time since I started this blog that I have missed a day. I was a little bit depressed so I didn't feel like writing. And I keep putting two spaces after my sentences! It's driving me crazy! It's so inefficient! Damn you, Mr. Entzel! Heh. I always, always, ALWAYS came late to Mr. Entzel's typing class. I always came about two or three minutes before I would be counted absent. Adn then I would sit and read the whole time and do all my work at home. I did everything I could to obliterate Mr. Entzel and typing class from my life and yet he is still here, antagonizing me with his two space rule! Rat bastard! I'm glad my girls will never have to deal with a Mr. Entzel.

Today and tomorrow are totally dedicated to cleaning. Bleah. It will be a task very near impossible to keep it clean, but I have faith. Or at least hope. Then, on Xmas eve, Saren and I are going to make goodies all day!! Fudge and chocolate chip cookies and gingerbread men and banana muffins! Hooray!!!

Saren had gobs of fun at the birthday party. Of course, I wasn't there. My mother took her because the girl is the daughter of one of her co-workers. Pat and I had to do laundry. (Pretty soon, I think I will just get new clothes every time the old ones get dirty and then I will throw the dirty ones away. Far simpler, really.) She says she played Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey and won. [grin] Before we left the house, I was talking to Saren and Harper about the birthday party and Harper got really upset because Saren was going to be somewhere without her. She started wailing and she went to Saren and wrapped her arms around her as if to prevent the two of them from being separated. It was cute and tragic.

After we picked Saren up from my mom's, we went and did some last minute shopping. While we were at one store buying printer ink, we saw my mom. It was a little wierd. That's happened before too. Running into my mom in odd places. It's probably a plot.

Last night I played Trivial Pursuit with my dude. He won! But... I had a question which I got right solely because of Chandler. Yay, Chandler! Thank you for helping me get a yellow pie. Also, Trivial Pursuit at our house is funny because our edition of the game was made in 1984. We got it at a thrift store. So it has all kinds of wrong answers and questions about Cabbage Patch kids. It's the greatest, baby!

I am experimenting with putting only one space after a sentence when I type because that is the way that Pat does it and I think it looks better. It is harder than it seems it would be, but the point is moot because blogger doesn't even recognize that second space anyway. End of the most boring paragraph ever.

Saren made a friend today. Tomorrow she goes to said friend's birthday party. Saren loves playing with other kids her age. She probably needs to have more friends that are children. But I really like the fact that she has some friends who are adults, even if most of those are internet freaks or just bunches of words. Speaking of, she got some mail today. Hooray for Beth!

Tonight I made Shepherd's Pie for the Culinarily Impaired. It was a great success! A success in the sense that Harper ate 3 bites and Saren ate none.

So here's a little story for your amusement (or for your hopeless boredom, if you are so inclined). For the longest time I had a memory of sitting in either preschool or kindergarten and pasting marshmallows onto a piece of black construction paper. Why I kept this particular memory in my database, I don't know. At some point several years later, I came upon a box in the garage filled with things from my childhood that my mom had saved. In it was a piece of black construction paper with white construction paper squares pasted on it. It was the fabled marshmallow art! My five year old brain imagined that I was pasting marshmallows and that is the memory that stuck with me. Even though it was inaccurate. Aren't brains funny?

So that was boring. Why don't you go read my lifemate's blog? He's right funny today.

I am almost done with the Xmas shopping. Hooray! I still need to get something for one of my brothers. He's extremely hard to shop for. Sad, sad.

All I want from Santa is a t-shirt with a fairy on it. But I don't think that I am going to get that. Sad, sad.

Do you know that Charisma Carpenter went to Bishop Gorman High School here in Vegas? And Alyson Hannigan's birthday is the exact same as mine? This leads me to the conclusion that I was meant to be on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some quirk of fate kept me from it. Sad, sad.

My parents used to put oranges in my Xmas stocking. I am tempted to do this merely for the tradition element, but, luckily I am aware of the lameness of such a thing and I won't. Instead I am using those chocolate oranges. Yummmmmy! Sad, sad. (doesn't fit, but I wanted to continue with the theme)

Pat would like me to tell you all that he has PMS. (I don't know either.)

I had a horrible dream that we woke up and came into the living-room to find that all of the needles and most of the branches had fallen off of the Christmas tree and it was bent in half and lying on the floor. *shudder*

Also, in my dream I was discussing the fourth turning with Pat at the bookstore. Something about fantasy in entertainment being more prevalent during a crisis era. I think I need to reread the book because it's all fuzzy now. Like everything gets eventually.

Test to see if blogger is still suck-assy.

Edit: Yay!! Actually, not yay. I had a really great lengthy entry that I lost because blogger was being suck-assy and damned if I can remember any of it. I bet it was rife with hilarity and deep insights. Damn.

In conclusion,

I don't know why and I don't know how but I need pants again. I must live really close to a pants-sucking vortex.

We went grocery shopping today and bought pickles among other things. I mean, I hope we got other things because I somehow managed to spend $170. Oh yeah, Pepsi. I do remember that we got Pepsi. And stamps.

All people who I love who feel sick or are in pain (physical or emotional) should immediately start feeling better if they do not wish to have me kick their ass. You have been warned.

Huh. I am bitter and mean on the internet. No, wait. I'm that way in real life too.

I always wake up before my body is done sleeping. I don't know whether this is more a product of having children or of getting older. Although I have heard that as you get older you need less and less sleep. Maybe I'm just a freak. Moving very quickly from a deep state of sleep to a deep (?) state of awake gives me a headache. And then it doesn't go away all day. Ponytails also give me a headache. I am a freak!

From Strongbadia (Pop: Tire), this is Freak, signing off.

Damnit. I thought I was going to get out of hosting the Christmas thingie for my family but it's back on at Casa de P@. I need to think of what to feed 20-30 people. Any suggestions are welcome! In fact, if you want to come over and cook it for me, that would be even better! So, I'll see you around 1pm-ish? Thanks. You're the best.

In other news, Saren wanted me to cut her bangs today. Remind me to never do that again.

Reasons to be angry and/or sad:

1) Wil Wheaton did not get invited to the premiere of the new Star Trek movie.
2) I have to do the laundry today (at the ShuffleTown Laudromat) and I let it get up to about 5 loads.
3) I don't know if we have enough money to get Pepsi today! [crying]
4) I keep downloading music based on the title alone and it keeps backfiring on me.

Reasons to be happy and/or joyous:

1) Pat is off work today and tomorrow! Woohoo!
2) My kids don't spit on people!
3) I like exclamation points and exclamation points like me!
4) I think I will make cupcakes today!

I think it's important that my children have friends. One of the major impediments to this goal of mine is that so many other children of the world are crap. We went to the park today. There was a little girl about Saren's age and her older brother (Pepito!). The older brother (Pepito!) took to spitting on his little sister. I blame school. :-)

Lyrics!

If it came down to your life or mine
I would do the stupid thing
And let you keep on living
~Built to Spill

Darling, I dedicate those lyrics to you. [love]

This is what always happens: I go to clean up and organize old junk, I find and old journal, I spend the next three hours reading it and I forget all about cleaning. Luckily this time I didn't find the journal until I was almost done. Woo-hoo! Almost clean bedroom!

I found an entry from when I first met Pat (but not yet in person): "So this new person I met online is named Pat (MRSD6). [hehehehehehehe] I like him a lot but I am afraid to meet him in person after meeting Court. [the first person I met online who turned out to be rather disappointing] Once you actually meet a person they become real, not just words."

So true, so true. Most of you people are just words. [tongue]

2-4-6-8 Who do we appreciate? PASTA!!!!

*Does the Dance of the Pasta to wild applause*

Oh shit. I came here earlier and just stared at the screen for fifteen minutes until I gave up and just decided to write later. Here I am again. Staring at the screen.

The only thing I can think of to talk about is this: Why are people so retarded? You would think that by now evolution would have given us a race of people far less sucky, and yet... I could make a huge list of people who shouldn't even exist.

That's about all. Again.

I wonder if I've killed my fish yet? Huh. They still seem to be alive. For now. [/ominous]

Well, that's about all.

I have this memory of one of my little brothers. He was maybe 9 months old and I was 12 or 13 years old. He was all bundled up in warm soft clothes to go outside and he had a round Charlie Brown head and chubby red cheeks. I picked him up and he wrapped himself around me like a cozy little monkey. I don't know why I remember this one day and this one small moment so well, but I can bring back that sweet smile and that sweet face and the way he felt in my arms as if it happened 5 minutes ago and not 16 years ago.

Tonight I went to see him in a high school production of School House Rock Live!. He sang "Verb: That's What's Happening" and he danced and was funny and he was a beautiful thing to see. He still has a round Charlie Brown head, it's just bigger. After the show, I gave him a hug and told him how great he was and he wrapped his big monkey arms around me and it was pretty great. He's more like a gorilla now though. :) It's interesting. Both versions of him exist simultaneously in my mind, the baby and the almost-man.

While I was watching him (and pretty much ignoring the rest of the cast (not really some of them were quite good)), I started thinking about how one day Saren or Harper might be in a play and Pat and I would be sitting in the audience with tears streaming down our faces and our cheeks hurting from smiling so wide and so constant.

I'm going to enter a contest for dumbest person on the planet!!! I'm going to win, too!! We need to come up with $300.00 to fix the car (actually to pay my dad back as he is paying the bill) and I decided (bright person that I am) that we should use our last 13 dollars until payday to order a pizza! God, I love me.

Victor the Cousin said he could fix it but not until Saturday and we need it before then, so we took it to Expensive Mechanic Land down the street. Don't you love cars? Yeah. They're craaaaptastic. [heart]

This morning while I was half asleep this thought came into my head unbidden: If I am to have any hope of never succeeding, I better get to work now. Yes, that was supposed to say never.

I was also thinking about all of the things I have quit and I planned on making up a list (so I can enter the World's Quittiest Quitter Contest!), but I am eagerly anticipating a pizza (our last meal for 9 days, so I better enjoy it) and I consequently don't feel like it. Perhaps tomorrow, you lucky people.

Saren has started a journal. She has a three-ring binder and draws picture of the days events. I love that girl.

I momentarily broke my self-imposed WD hiatus. Why? Because I'm stupid. And great!! Boy, people must be really lamenting my absence there. I didn't notice any "Why oh why won't Stephanie come and post?!?" posts while I was briefly there, but I'm quite sure there are several. I know that when I do make posts, my own are the only ones that I read. Over and over again. I'm terribly funny.

So the car sucks. My dad came over and looked at it and it seems to have a leaky freeze plug or gasket or valve or somesuch. My cousin Victor is hopefully going to look at it. Victor fucked up our brakes for free so it'll be great if he can fuck up our freeze thing for free. Or actually maybe my dad has to pay him. Either way, free!

I may have inadvertently offered up our house for the annual family Christmas Brunch Type Thing. I don't mean my mom and stepdad and brothers, I mean all them plus my grandma and grandpa and my 6 aunts and uncles and their spouses and their children and their children's children. So, I either have to get out of it somehow or ....die.

Sadly, I didn't make lasagna last night. But I did tonight! Yay!

In other boring news, the power went out for about 40 minutes. Saren was scared because it was getting dark, but then when it came back on, she was all disappointed. She was hoping we could camp out in the living room. Damn you, technology! Why I remember when the power used to stay out for hours. Although that may have been affected more by a locale prone to snowstorms than by older electric company technology. Hey! Electric Company! I used to watch that!

You know those 50 lb. books they give you in freshman english classes? I used to have one but I have vague memories of giving it away. It's a shame because it had this great story about swans that I can't quite remember. Except it wasn't really about swans. That was a metaphor. Or something. Also a poem. The one about measuring your life out in teaspoons? Or coffee spoons? What is a coffee spoon? Woeful lack of memory. Also something about coming and going and talking of Michelangelo. I'm sure I can find it.

My daughters are tying one another to chairs. Now that's entertainment!

We didn't make gingerbread people garlands because I don't have any white puffy paint. Damn you white puffy paint!! Why are you not here? Instead we made red and green paper chains. We also opened the little boxes on our two advent calendars. We have one with chocolate and one without. I used to love advent calendars when I was a kid. I want a sewing machine so I can sew one up. One that is not paper, obviously.

I need to go make lasagna, but I am stalling. I suck at stalling.